Waiting
by Neurotic Nugget
Summary: Have you ever wondered what the characters do when no one is writing about them? Funny happenings in the “off stage” room where the characters wait to play their parts in our fanfictions.


Waiting

These characters are property of the lovely Stephenie Meyer, I just contract them for fanfictions.

AN: Have you ever wondered what the characters do when no one is writing about them? Funny happenings in the "off stage" waiting room where the characters wait to play their parts in our fanfictions. And, I know that vampire's don't sleep, but I can imagine that they still get tired, that they like to zone out and be comfortable at night-maybe in a bed….who knows?

--

"Who the hell writes a fanfiction at 3:42 in the morning!?" Emmett threw himself down on the ancient couch which gave a protesting creak under his weight. He glared around the darkened green room of . The door had a little paper sign taped to it that read "Twilight Cast". Edward and Jasper stared blearily at him, also in various shades of undress. They had all just been called out of bed and were still wearing their night clothes-night clothes translating to pants and no shirts

"Obviously it's a One-shot." Edward rolled his eyes and yawned sleepily. "Apparently this author gets really horny at 3AM and that's the only time she feels justifiably pervy enough to write one."

"But this text!" Emmett whipped out his cell phone and read the display. "'Get to work NOW! Come as is!!' It woke me up just as I was having this really awesome dream where Rosalie was dressed in a teeny tiny sailor suit and she was just about to su—"

"We get the picture, Emmett!!" The usually calm Jasper snapped.

"I really did just get the picture…" Edward turned slightly green. "Honestly, Emmett, your dreams are even more twisted than usual lately."

"Well…its Rosalie…she's still mad about that fic last week where Bella and I had hot steamy shower sex." A goofy, glazed smile overtook Emmett's face as Edward began to growl.

"Where is Rose?" Jasper interrupted before Edward could start throwing things.

"Oh, I think she and Alice are still tied up in that fic where they are giving Bella a slut-make-over to break Edward's resolve." Emmett laughed.

"Oh. Right." Jasper nodded

"Who in the world would honestly believe that after one hundred years of practicing control, teaching Bella to poll dance would break me. I'd be more worried about her hurting herself to enjoy it. And, why do they _always_ paint me as an ass man? Have I ever expressed any interest in badonkadonk butts?" Edward scowled.

"Not that I know of. But, then again, I'm never heard you express much interest in boobs either." Jasper raised an eyebrow and smirked at his brother. Edward proceeded to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Speaking of boobs…" Emmett twisted to look behind them as a polka-dotted blanket on legs entered the room. The boys sat in silence as a bleary eyed Bella grumbled her way to the end of couch before plopping down and promptly curling into a ball.

"I would stop thinking about that shower scene _immediately_, if I were you…" Edward warned the now smirking Emmett.

"Ah, come on bro. She only did it because you don't satisfy her!" A second later a confused Bella, a laughing Emmett and an angry Edward were in a pile, the former Cullen having been forcibly tackled by the latter sending the couch tipping over backwards and spilling its occupants onto the hard wooden floor. Bella groggily sat up and shook her head, her eyes glazed. Her hair stood up in every direction as she gradually locked eyes with a sheepishly grinning Edward.

"Fuck fanfiction. I'm goin back to sleep." Bella yanked the tangled blanket over her head and curled up tightly right where she had landed. Emmett laughed as he stood up and one-handedly righted the couch which, miraculously, had not been broken.

"Bella?" Edward softly petted her head through the blanket. "Bella, we're going to have to go out there soon. You have to wake up."

"I don't wanna!" She flipped over in defiance. Edward sighed and stood up as Bella continued to mutter "It's to cold in here!"

"Hey! Jasper and I were just saying the same thing!" Emmett locked eyes with his blond brother. Jasper got a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Yah, Bella, we're _freezing._" Jasper took a step closer. Edward raised his eyebrow suspiciously at his brother, trying to deceiver his thoughts.

"You're always freezing." Bella's muffled, sarcastic voice came from under her layer of blanket.

"Then you wouldn't mind sharing with us!" Faster than Edward could comprehend, Bella was sent flying out of her blanket burrito which Emmett had snatched from beneath her. Edward caught her before she could fully form a scream; but, he snarled at Emmett all the same.

Emmett seemed to care less as he wrapped the polka-dotted fleece blanket around his shoulders Dracula style. "Bwah Ah Ah! I vant to suck your blud!!" Jasper clutched the stitch in his side as Emmett proceeded to run around the room flapping his polka-dotted wings like a bat. Braced against Edward's chest, Bella seemed to finally understand what had just happened.

"Hey…give it back!" Bella struggled to get out of Edward's arms and stand up. He let go, unsure as to whether or not Bella would mind him using her blanket to strangle his brothers. Edward watched on as Bella uselessly chased after Emmett who jumped onto the ancient couch before bouncing to the dusty arm chair across the room. Apparently he'd jumped with a little too much gusto because upon landing Emmett's foot crashed straight through the bottom of the chair and dented the wooden floor beneath.

"Opps." Emmett seemed confused until he heard Jasper practically snorting with laughter. "Jas, here, catch!" Wadding the blanket into a ball, Emmett tossed it to the other side of the room where Jasper sprinted, barely visible, to catch it.

Edward's eyes followed Bella as she played the proverbial monkey in the middle of his brothers' game. Apparently she was still too drunk with sleep to realize that she was pitted against vampires and any effort on her end to retrieve the blanket was merely comical. Edward suddenly became very aware of Bella in that moment.

"Why is it that you never wear that little of clothing when I stay the night?" A skid, a rip, and loud crash resounded within the room as Jasper and Emmett collided. They had rebounded off of each other and landed on their asses but neither of them seemed to notice. They wore identical slack jawed looks of shock as their eyes focused first on Edward and then on Bella who had frozen, suddenly aware of herself. She glanced down and promptly stood stock straight crossing her arms tightly over her chest. Jasper was the first to recover.

"Jeez, Ed. It's not like she naked." The look on his face said that he could taste the awkwardness in the air. He sent out some calming vibes. Edward and Emmett visibly relaxed but Bella stared into space with her arms still vice-like around herself.

"I apologize, Bella. I guess I'm just not used to seeing so much…skin." Edward's eyes flitted over her, lingering on her pale, exposed legs. She was wearing a tiny pair of bright-pink, striped, knit shorts, white ankle socks and a thin, electric blue spaghetti-strap tank top. Very colorful, very Bella.

"It was hot in my room…" Bella muttered, a blush creeping up her neck.

A look of dawning struck Jasper's face. "OH!! I get it now!! Edward's a leg man! I was worried about you for a minute, bro!"

Emmett laughed. Edward scowled. Bella continued muttering, "…you know, when you're there it really knocks the temperature down a bit. You're like a big ice cube. And I didn't want to have to tell Charlie why I was turning the air on in the middle of December…"

"Jasper." Edward's voice was quiet, yet held a dangerous edge. "Stop making her nervous or I will tell Alice that you didn't 'accidentally' leave that sweater she knitted you for Christmas in the woods on our last hunting trip. You know, the one with the big reindeer head that looked like a retarded goat?"

"It's not me!!" Panic filled Jasper's eyes and he seemed to grow, if possible, paler as he thought of the wrath of Alice reigning down upon him. They both glanced at Bella who was still babbling. Emmett started snickering again.

Edward whapped the back of his brother's head. "Get your mind out of the shower, please."

"Sorry…" Emmett rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly and grinned at Edward. "Couldn't help myself." The Cullen boys' attention returned to Bella who remained rooted but had ceased talking and taken up glowering into space, blush firmly in place across her checks.

"Jasper…a little help?" Edward hissed. Even before he had finished speaking, Edward felt a wave of comfort flood his senses. "Thanks." They watched the blush fade from her cheeks but her arms remained firmly locked in place. Edward glanced back at Jasper who raised his eyebrows.

"What? That's all I got!"

"I truly am sorry for saying that, it was incredibly rude of me." Edward approached Bella and her arms hugged, if possible, even tighter around herself. He paused. "Bella, what's wrong?" She merely muttered something about it being cold. "Well, then, we'll just get you your blanket back…" Edward looked over to see Jasper and Emmett holding out the remains of what had formerly been Bella's blanket; apparently it had gotten shredded when his idiot brothers had crashed earlier.

Edward pinched the top of his nose in frustration. "I'm sorry Bella. They will buy you a new blanket. In the mean time-"

"I'm fine! Seriously, Edward!" Bella seemed slightly panicked. Edward could see the goosebumps on her clenching arms.

"…you don't look fine…" Edward's bottom lip pulled down in a frown as Bella smiled, trying to look innocent. Emmett suddenly smacked his forehead.

"OH! I got it! You're '_cold_'!" He exchanged a significant look with Jasper before they both cracked up laughing. Edward glared at his brothers but was too concerned with Bella to bother with their thoughts. At that moment her heart had started beating doubly fast.

"Bella! What is the matter with you?" Edward grasped her arms without thinking and she gasped before shivering and tightening her stance. Emmett and Jasper roared. "WHAT!?" Edward rounded on his brothers, to angry to concentrate now. Jasper pulled himself together slightly and started talking a smirk firmly on his face.

"Well, Edward, when a woman gets cold, certain changes happen to her body…." Jasper began while Emmett snickered. Edward's brow furrowed in confusion, he concentrated on listening to their thoughts and slowly comprehension poured into his features.

"…the text said 'come as is'…" Bella blushed ferociously, "…I didn't think about it…they're just so uncomfortable to sleep in and I don't wear one to bed when you're not there-"

"BELLA'S GOT NIPPLE ERECTIONS!!" Emmett screamed with all the tact and grace he could manage.

"That was quite subtle for you Emmett." Jasper commented as he watched his brother roaring happily. Bella froze, glaring a hole into the ground, her blush back in full force. Jasper couldn't help laughing at her reaction. Edward did the only thing he thought logical to right the situation. He started beating the shit out of his brothers.

Only after he had broken the last armchair over Emmett's back, did Edward turn his attention back to Bella. She was still so embarrassed that all he wanted to do was hold her, but surely that wouldn't help the situation.

"Bella…I'm sure you have to time to go a get a….um, you know… before the fanfiction starts…" Edward offered awkwardly.

"Oh, come on, Bella. Don't be ashamed. It's a natural occurrence." Emmett said in a voice sickeningly sweet with sympathy. "I mean, if I got nipple erections, I would proudly show them off!"

Edward threw the floor lamp javelin style at Emmett and he had officially run out of things to throw so he ran head long at his brother only to be caught by Jasper.

"Now Edward," Jasper hissed at vampire speed in a disapproving tone, "Bella is obviously hiding herself because she is afraid of your reaction." A wave of guilt passed over Edward making him pause.

"She's afraid that you will not like what you see and will make her cover herself. She's insecure and unsure of herself around you." Edward swiftly glanced back to Bella who had remained frozen, obviously not hearing their low conversation, "That is why she is trying to desperately to hide her body's natural reaction to the cold and… to you…" Edward felt pained when he saw the utter embarrassment scrawled across her beautiful face. He took a deep breath before walking calmly to stand in front of his girlfriend.

"Bella?" She continued to stare at the ground so Edward placed a finger under her chin and lifted her face to his. She looked at him nervously from beneath her lashes. Edward looked into her eyes with honor and sincerity "I just wanted to let you know, that I am perfectly alright with your nipple erections. In fact, I would love to see them."

--

Carlisle had been finishing his latest paper on the excision of pileanidal cysts when his phone had beeped: alerting him that he was needed for a fanfiction. He arrived quickly at and headed to the room set aside for Twilight characters. He became worried was he drew nearer and could hear raised voices. Just as he was about to open the door Bella kicked it open in a fit of furry and stalked out. Carlisle could hear Edward calling after her in panicked confusion as his other sons hyperventilated in the background. Carlisle turned to look at the retreating form of his newest daughter.

"Bella, where are you going?"

"I'm going to get a breast restraining article so that those big, burly seventh graders have a chance to reign in their hormones, grow into their big-boy balls and get over their unhealthy interest of nipple erections!!" Carlisle stood with his hand on the door knob as he tried to process what Bella had screamed at him.

"Breast restraining article…?"

"B. R. A.! Bra!!" Bella stomped out of sight around the corner and called back, "It's not a hard word to say but every time use the word those cock-brained idiots break out in fits of giggles! I can't take it anymore!!"

Carlisle slowly turned and entered the room closing the door calmly behind him. "Would someone mind explaining to me what just happened?"

--

Back in the Twilight Room

"What the hell is taking so long? Shouldn't we be done by now? They haven't even given us a script yet!" Emmett lay sprawled across the wreckage of what used to be the couch.

"Apparently the author has writer's block." Edward answered not looking up from his novel.

"It's a _One-shot_!" Emmett whined in frustration, as he sat up. "All it takes is 'You're sexy!' 'No, you're sexy!' 'Let's get naked!' 'Okay!' 'Oh, God! I'm hard!' 'Oh, God! You're so big!' 'Ohh!' 'Ahhh!' 'Pant!' 'Groan!' 'Orgasm!' End." Emmett flopped down again.

"You know, Emmett, you wouldn't make a bad fanfiction author…" Jasper mused. At that moment the door banged open and all four Cullen men jumped where they were. Bella paused in the doorway before stalking across the room to lean against the wall as far as possible from their prying eyes. The white strap of a bra could be distinctly seen peeking out under her blue spaghetti strap. She glared at nothing in particular but her posture dared one of them to say something. Very slowly, Edward closed his book and stood up, approaching her as one would a crazy chimpanzee with a handful of shit just waiting to be launched. He stood silently in front of her for a long moment before she broke.

"What!?" she demanded. Edward took a deep, cleansing breath.

"I have thought through thoroughly what you said before you left and have considered it from many angles. And I am sorry to say, after much deliberation, that if I were to, as you suggested, 'grow into my big-boy balls' my interest in nipple erections would do the opposite of your wishes and increase dramatically." A loud crack resounded and all eyes focused on Carlisle who seemed to be holding the two shattered halves of an armrest he had been clutching for support. He looked shocked to find the broken objects in his hands and swiftly threw them over his shoulder. All eyes returned to Bella who was studying Edward's face.

"I thought that might be the case..." She sighed, closing her eyes and lowering her head. "Oh, well! I guess I would be more worried if you _weren't_ interested in my nipple erections…." She chuckled lightly.

All tension seemed to drain from the room; so, Emmett saw that as his chance to help the situation "Hey, just think of it like this: the next time he gets hard, you can publicly humiliate him for having his own erection!"

Edward's eyes grew wide and Bella crumpled with laughter. "I don't think I'll be doing that!" Bella gasped out between laughs. Edward relaxed.

"Hey, if you're not going to, I get dibs!!" Emmett raised his hand like he was in school and glared at Jasper and Carlisle as if expecting them to jump in and steal his claim. They simply rolled their eyes and grinned. Edward's attention returned to Bella.

"Are you honestly not mad…?" He stared deeply and lovingly into her eyes under his lashes, searching for the truth hidden within her. She sighed.

"How can I lie when you look at me like that…?" His eyes smoldered.

"Oh, Bella…" He leaned her back against the wall and spoke into her neck.

"Yes, Edward…?" She whispered.

"CARLISLE!! Make them get a room!" Jasper yelped "I'm swimming in lust and it makes me feel tingles in awkward places!!"

The room erupted in laughter once again. As the bubbling died away, Bella was the first to speak.

"I don't understand the fascination with boobs anyway." Every male in the room fell silent and stared at Bella, bidding her to explain. "I mean, they're just orbs of fat with goofy little protrusions that get hard when you're cold or randy. I really hope it's not that it reminds you of you mother like experts claim. Edward, I'm sure she was a great woman, but that is the last person I want you to be thinking about when my boobs are concerned…except maybe Emmett."

"Hey!" Emmett sat up indignantly.

"But, honestly, boobs are such a burden! Most of the time they're awkward, more often than not, they are painful and they are _always_ annoying!!" Bella finished her rant to stunned silence. She blushed lightly at the attention. Edward lifted his long white hands and cupped her face looking somberly into her eyes.

"Bella, I will never allow you to be in pain while in my presence. The next time they are bothering you, let me know…and I will hold them for you."

The room was utterly and completely still. Waiting for the explosion.

Bella reached up and lowered his hands from her face, searching calculatingly into his eyes. "Two points, Mr. Cullen." She nodded. "That was creative."

The room shook with boisterous laughter. Emmett rolled onto his back and kicked his feet in the air, Jasper clutched his sides and Carlisle chuckled into his hand. Just then every cell phone in the room alerted them that the author had finally overcome her writer's block and was ready for them on-set.

"Finally!" Emmett jumped to his feet and sprinted out the door followed by Jasper and Carlisle. Bella walked forward followed by Edward who had a slight smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.

"You know, if you were still in pain, I could kiss them better…"

"Watch it young man, don't make me subtract a point for tactlessness…."

--Fin--

So, that was my first fic ever posted. I've always thought about writing one, and now I have finally forced myself to finished one. I want to know what you guys think so I know if I should write more. Review please! There shall be cookies!

Neurotic Nugget

PS: Thanks Erika! For being an awesome friend and being my first, unofficial reviewer! ;-) love ya girl!


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